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Re: A BIT OF HUMOR
Posted by: Parminio_USA
Date: 25/05/2011 14:22
Aircraft Humor From the book "The Best of the Best of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader":
Actually heard on U.S. Aircraft over the last 20 years.
Preparing for takeoff:
"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their least comfortable positions."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways off this aircraft."
"To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
"Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."
In-Flight from the pilot:
"Mornin' folks! As we leave Dallas, it's warm and the sun is shining. Unfortunately, we're going to New York where it's cold and raining. Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."
"We're pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the business! Sadly, none of them are working this flight."
"Folks, if you were with us last week, we never got around to mentioning that it was National Procrastination Day."
"The weather in San Francisco is 61 degrees with some broken clouds...but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive."
Landing and De-planing
"Sorry about the rough landing, folks! I'd just like to assure you that it wasn't the airlines' fault; it wasn't the flight attendants' fault; nor was it the pilot's fault. It was the asphalt."
"We ask you to please remain seated while Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
"As you leave the plane, please make sure you gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please DO NOT leave children or spouses."
"Thank you for flying Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we did taking you for a ride."
"Last one off the plane has to clean it!"
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