(National Lottery) Rules and Regs - 2005

On one weekend it’s a 9, the next 34, then 29 and then we come to 40, but sadly theres always one winner taking away the prize money… Ferrari. You see, the National Lottery (the Formula One regulations) is a great idea; you and I can pay a pound with a chance of winning £8 million, easy! But, with Formula One’s version it seems Ferrari are not only running the National Lottery, but they are also playing it as well, a win, win situation. Plus they are forcing the smaller council estate boys (Minardi, Jordan…etc) to play along too, but not with a chance of winning, with a chance of donating to Ferrari’s ever growing bank balance. Not so much of a great idea now I see. But as ever, Max and his team of red capped Tifosi are keen to add a sparkle to make things just a bit more exciting (cough) boring.

So, what are the new regulations for the 2005 season?

·         Your engine must last two races and not one; Ferrari already have an engine that’ll last way beyond that so it’s pretty pointless.

·         Reduce downforce to make the cars faster in a straight line and crash easier around corners.

·         One tyre for qualifying and race (so they might as well use the road tyres off the trucks).

·         A new qualifying format that is as stupid and pointless as the old one.

Firstly, engines. Its all very well having an engine that last’s forever in your road car. Endurance races like the Le Mans 24-hour race use off the shelf GT sports cars with engines that are mean’t to last a whole race. But Formula One cars? Did someone ask my local Toyota dealer how long an engine should last or did they take the idea out of my Toyota Yaris handbook? I’m sorry, Formula One is all about going as fast as you can and animal friendly engines are not. My idea would be to limit teams to 3 engines per car each weekend and let them run to their limits, that’ll give us some action! And to save money, cut Michael Schumacher’s Championship bonus in half and limit the big teams to £70 million a year.

Aerodynamics. Well, it seems like the Regent Street party gave Max some ideas. So what we have is a higher front wing to get over speed bumps, a kinder body so no one can cut their finger on it and the whole idea is that the cars are slower and therefore safer to drive. Sadly I can see them being more dangerous with more accidents, and overtaking limited, as drivers will not be able to control their cars under heavy braking. Yuriy Martirosian from Melbourne also feels safety is starting to take over Formula One; “Safety should not compromise speed, that's what F1 is all about, being the best, the fastest; right now it's not the best nor the fastest.

Tyres. Great, one set of tyres for qualifying and the race, how boring. Drivers will spend more time studying how to keep their tyres throughout the weekend and the moment they go off, a driver will park his car and go home. Again, whats the point, they might as well use road tyres! How can a driver show he is the fastest when he still has 35 laps to go? He can’t, because he could damage his tyres and he can’t pit for a new set. It’s like limiting a Footballer to one set of trainers for every 3 games to save money, its just not going to work.

Eek, qualifying! This is dividing the world of Formula One, as the Americans did with the Iraq war. The way it works is the cars will run on low fuel in Saturday’s session, going out in reverse order from the pervious race. Then on Sunday morning, which ITV won’t be televising, the cars will run with race fuel, with the fastest from Saturday’s session going out last. To confuse matters more, both times are added together to form Sunday’s grid. And you know what, its going to be so confusing that it makes the rules of Cricket look dead simple! Scud from Finland summed up what the fans want “Bring back the old 1 hour, 12 lap qually!” and I have to agree with him, nothing was wrong with the old system, and nothing was better than sitting down at lunch on Saturday afternoons watching the 1 hour qualifying session.

I just hope that the system doesn’t fail (again) and that Max will see sense and give the fans what they want. I mean, this isn’t the National Lottery you know.

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